2017; a journey through my head

Must complete my appraisal docs. It’s fucking annoying having two managers. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. The churros in Seville are the best I’ve ever eaten. Stormzy – Gangs Signs and Prayer is a grime masterpiece. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. I’m bloody great at booking Airbnbs. You were way too young to be taken, RIP. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged.  Fuck it, I’ll buy myself an Easter egg. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. What, my director is pregnant and going off on maternity in June? *YESSS!Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. I need another fucking holiday. Oh my God, seeing Emeli Sandé perform live left me speechless, and drunk. Fuck, I am never drinking on a school night. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. Skyscanner is my favourite website to cruise when I’m bored at work. Can one of you selfish twats get up for the pregnant lady? Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. I am so exhaustedTwitter is where my rage needs to be released. Bloody hell, everyone is amused by my appraisal being changed 18 times. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. I need a new job, desperately. The Linkedin jobs app is actually great at getting my CV noticed. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. I’m going to complain to another director about my appraisal. Actually, fuck it – I just wanna get out of here. Fuck, I am never drinking on a school night. Oh, my appraisal has been rearranged. Right, so after rearranging my appraisal 21 times, you’re implying that I need to manage my time more effectively? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Ooh, recruitment consultants are actually calling me, this is great. Fuck, they want me to come and see them during work hours, how will I do this? Forget work, a new job is more important. I really, really wanna go to Turin just for the food. Westminster, my heart weeps but we are stronger than those cowards. Travel blogs and cheap flights will always be my downfall. Fuck, I am never drinking on a school night. Manchester, one love. RIP. There is nothing more disheartening than completing a 12-page job application form and being told the job has been closed. Spanish music makes me so, so happy! 4 Penguins, 3 bottles of pop, 2 packs of crisps a day – are you serious? I have been offered a job. The job is not what I want, onto the next one. Fuck it, I’m booking a weekend in Turin for June. Gosh, I’m really popular with recruitment agents. Grime makes me so proud to be British. London Bridge, I’m in shock but we will stick together. RIP. NO, I will not wait an hour for the recruitment consultant to come and meet me, I have a job to go to. I am so exhausted. Me time is so, SO important. Oh my god, look at the dog! Will you stop rustling and crunching in my ear?! Cannot deal with small talk. Fuck, I am never drinking on a school night. Ugh, my MD is a twat. Grenfell – why is London being wounded like this? RIP. Why must my housemates make so much noise and mess? How do I politely decline a job offer? Recruitment consultants have no respect for my time and preferences. Life is so short and unpredictable. I’m going to make the most of London life. I will replace all of my beauty products with cruelty-free brands. I am so exhausted. You know what we haven’t done in ages? Gone on a family holiday. At the end of the day, does anyone really care? Fuck, I am never drinking on a school night. Right, so I physically couldn’t attend your leaving do, so you delete me out of your life? Good riddance! What do you mean you don’t know what it is? You’re a doctor! Oh my God, look at the dog! It may be 38 degrees in Turin but this tajarin pasta with truffle is honestly the best thing I have ever eaten. What, Pogba stayed in the same hotel a few days back? I’m just gonna hibernate all month and save money. One day, I too will bump into Kit Harington in London. Oh yay, more interviews but all in the same week – how will I explain this at work? Tasting menus in London are EPIC! I’m not a wine expert, I just wing it. Why do I have the worst luck in the world? Majorca is lovely and I’m glad I booked a family holiday this year. I really don’t like eating Indian unless it’s my mum’s food. Why do my housemates wake up at 8am on weekends when they have no plans? Visiting cats in pubs is my new favourite thing. I wish I had a cinema buddy. My cosmetics and toiletries are now around 80% cruelty-free, and I feel amazing for it. Wow, just 3 Penguin bars today? We have progress. Can someone, somewhere please confirm that Tormund is alive?! I love to hate high and mighty vegans. What do you mean there’s a rodent in the kitchen?! Homegrown mass murderers? How’s that travel ban working out for you, Trump?! Recruitment agents will sell their soul for commission. I will shut my bedroom door and just enjoy silence for a bit. Bloody hell, I’m actually getting more assertive, and I like it. There’s only a few people who genuinely give a fuck. London is so bloody incredible. I just want the right employer to give me a chance. Surely, my time will come. There’s a cat in the back garden! *Runs out*  I’m actually bored of Farringdon now. Oh right, so you’re now telling me I work for 3 companies and my pay isn’t getting reviewed? SOMEONE GIVE ME A JOB. I will always be grateful for your wise words and silliness, RIP. Ohhh, let me just feed this sick magpie in Regent’s Park. Spain will clear my head, especially the Albariño. Anxiety really cripples me, sometimes. OK, I will go to this interview but I don’t think I want the job. Fucking hell, I’m actually gonna be an aunt. The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka, skidiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-BOOM. Oil pulling is really weird but worth a try. Santan Dave – How I Met My Ex makes me feel all sorts. I need to turn my Gmail push notifications off as seeing rejection emails in the morning ruins my entire day. Homeslice pizza is perfect for a greedy cow like me. Working for 3 companies and getting nothing for it, goodbye motivation. Marie from Aristocats is actually me. I am so exhausted. Samsung phones are bloody massive. Paris for my birthday, OK then! I hope my friends realise that although I’m socially awkward, they can talk to me. Thai green curry is actually amazing. I need to visit Highgate Cemetery. Fuck the work Christmas do, I hate them all. It’s so easy to block recruitment consultants on my new phone! I am 95% cruelty-free now, yay! I am so ready to pause the job hunt and go home for Christmas.  How have I only realised Highgate station has a resident black cat? Gosh, I am awful at tests! OMG look at the snow! I have mentally switched off for the year, goodbye 2017.

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