Single and Unavailable?

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“Sorry, I just don’t have the time.” – That old chestnut.

We’ve all heard it, and we’ve all said it. Yet why is this excuse used in the day and age where social media records our every move?

With dating apps and social networking sites taking the world by storm, connecting with people has become a piece of cake. A friendship/relationship can blossom from a simple message or tweet, working wonders for our social life.

Well that’s all well and good, but what people don’t realise is that starting a friendship or relationship requires a lot more than just a few messages. Think about it. Say, for example, you receive a private message from someone on a dating app. What are your first assumptions? That they are single and available, right?

Now let’s break this down further. The term ‘available’, what does it mean? Well, to me it means that the person is willing to invest time in a relationship of some sort. They are looking to allow the right person into their lives. (Whether for fun, or something more long term.) That’s why people use dating apps, right? It’s almost like an unspoken declaration. A promise of some sorts. From that very first message, you’re telling the recipient that you’re willing to make an effort and have the time to do so.

So why have there been so many situations where I have heard about a blossoming relationship/friendship ending because one person said they didn’t have the time?

In my opinion, that is the biggest insult anyone could ever throw at me. I immediately interpret it as “Sorry, it was good but you’re not a priority anymore, as I’ve found something else to bide my time.” In fact, it’s the worst thing anyone could ever say.

It’s almost like telling your best friend that you can’t attend her wedding as you’re washing your hair. In fact, I’d rather hear the classic, ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ anything but someone telling me that they don’t have time for me. At the end of the day, we all work, we all have families, we all have our problems, but if you really wanted someone in your life, you’d make the time.

I’ve experienced times where a daily ‘Good morning, have a lovely day’ message slowly became a ‘Morning’ and then reduced to a pathetic heart-eyed emoji. That’s all I was worth, a pre-made cartoon. Texts reduced, no more phone calls and when questioned, I’d get an abrupt ‘I’m busy‘ text. (Obviously not busy enough if you’re announcing your every move on social network sites, mate.) This is always the initial warning sign. Those two words have the power to make anyone feel insignificant, and smaller than the turd of a greenfly. If you ever get such a message, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship with this person. Do THEY deserve YOUR time?

So why invite someone into your life if you’re just going to let them down? I’m not a clingy person. I love my own space, but I will not stand for anyone making me feel like I’m low in their list of priorities. I’ve said goodbye to many people who have used this line on me. I am not a convenience item, and I will not allow anyone to make me feel like I’m a chore.

At the end of the day, there will always be times when we’re caught up in our own lives. However, if this becomes a regular occurrence then you shouldn’t be ‘getting yourself out there’ on dating sites and making special effort with individuals on social network sites, as it’s misleading and false. If you can’t invest the time, don’t let people into your life just to boot them out when something else comes along. Next time, think before you invite someone into your life. You may be single, but are you available?

Rant over. For now.

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